The Cold Within
by Girl Treble
Summary: Jade Podmore is a Muggle-born with the heart of Slytherin. Sirius Black is the first of his Pure-blood family to be Sorted into Gryffindor. When two complete opposites come together, consequences are to be expected, but the catastrophe that follows is more than anyone at Hogwarts could've ever predicted. SB/OC, LE/JP, RL/OC, rated M.
1. 1: Off to Hogwarts

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING! EVERYTHING BELONGS TO JK ROWLING AND I AM JUST A FAITHFUL POTTERHEAD WHO LOVES WRITING FANFICTION!**

Having said that, hello! This is not the first time I write an HP fic, but it is the first time I do so in English. Feel free to correct me in the reviews if I have grammatical or spelling mistakes!

This is a slow-burn romance story, rated M for later chapters. It will show the years (the first ones in passing, no more than two chapters per year) as the characters grow into themselves and all the relationships that will twist and tangle them together. I'm trying my best to remain faithful to the books, meaning most surnames of the students here are from the real HP books (Greengrass, McKinnon, Macmillan and so on).

While I will do my best to be faithful to the books, I won't tell you how this is going to end. I haven't decided yet about it, so it might be cannon or AU, I don't know yet. Take the chance, though ;)

Without further ado, I hope you enjoy! And like all starving authors here on FF, please leave a review so I won't die of famine! Pretty please?

* * *

 **Chapter One: Off to Hogwarts**

 _First Year_

There were many things Jade hadn't had the opportunity to wrap her head around yet. The fact she had a brand-new black owl was not one of them; she'd fallen in love with Iolanthe from the moment she'd laid her eyes on the owl at Diagon Alley, the magical shopping center her older brother, Sturgis, had taken her to purchase everything she needed for the upcoming year.

Iolanthe was now sitting in her silver cage, refusing Jade's constant attempts at making up. The owl had gotten used to freedom so much so that she became spoiled. Unfortunately, as Jade was now walking hurriedly with her brother along the many platforms of the King's Cross station, she couldn't allow the owl free.

"Bloody hell," Sturgis gasped now as they stopped before a brick wall between platforms 9 and 10, "thank God we're not late."

Jade regarded her older brother with a frown. They weren't on the correct platform; it was written in the letter nine-and-three-quarters. That in itself was odd enough to concern her; she'd been in train stations before, and never in her short eleven years of living had she known such a platform number existed.

Grabbing her hand, Sturgis gave his sister a big, wild smile. "Let's go!" he said loudly enough to make a few bypassers glance at him strangely. Before Jade could ask where exactly he wanted to go, he took her running into the brick wall.

Jade decided she didn't need to know what was going on in her mad brother's head that made him believe crashing into walls was necessary to get where they needed. She closed her eyes, held on to her cart, and clasped Sturgis's hand in her as strongly as she could. _Just don't let us crash_ , she thought in slight panic.

However, they did not crash. Sturgis brought them to a stop and said, "Open your eyes, Jadie. We're here."

She did as told, and saw that they were on a completely different platform, with families all around them hugging kids who had owls or cats. Jade turned to her brother, her namesake eyes brimming with wonder.

A horn's blow signaled that the train was going to take off any minute now. Sturgis, realizing that, put his hands on his sister's shoulders and said, "Remember everything I told you, and most of all, have fun!"

Before Jade could respond, he helped her up into a surprisingly empty compartment, made sure her suitcase was safely tucked, and headed off the train. Jade looked through the window, saw him waving her goodbye, and waved dimly back. She felt strangely numb, especially when the train began moving and she was unable to see Sturgis anymore.

She settled back in her seat and took out her wand. Twelve inches, blackthorn and dragon heartstring, unyielding. That's what the wandmaker - Mr. Ollivander - back in Diagon Alley had said, anyway. Jade did not understand much about what Ollivander had meant by that, but that was the least of her worries. The fact that she held a wand in her hand was much more concerning. Everything about the world she'd been entrusted into was very concerning if she had to be honest with herself.

Sturgis was eight years older than Jade. Their parents, Rhiannon and Braden Podmore, had had difficulty conceiving, especially since Rhiannon had been led to believe she was infertile. However, she managed to produce both Sturgis and later Jade, despite the doctors' claims. Rhiannon had always said it was her sheer willpower that brought Sturgis and Jade into the world, despite the odds.

Things took a turn when Sturgis turned eleven and Jade was barely three. Jade did not remember anything from that time, obviously, but her parents had told her when she was older; her brother was a wizard. Her parents had been most disappointed by that predicament. They believed their bright boy would lead a different path in life, but unfortunately, things hadn't gone according to their plans.

Therefore, the Podmore couple had laid all their hopes on their daughter. But, when Jade turned seven, strange things had begun happening around her. She was flying one day when she had simply wanted to do so; and when Lindsey, a girl who used to bully her in elementary school, called her ugly, she wanted Lindsey to be ugly instead, thus Lindsey's face resembled a pizza no more than a few minutes later.

Her parents did not believe her when she'd told them about those strange occurrences. When Sturgis had come home for the summer holidays the year it all began, though, he told her their parents were simply in denial, and that Jade was most likely a witch.

She hadn't believed him, not even when strange things kept on happening. But then the Headmaster of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry arrived on her parents' doorstep, and Sturgis had been proven right, causing Rhianon and Braden another heartbreak and reject reality.

Simply meaning, they refused to accompany Jade to King's Cross, just as they had refused when Sturgis had first left, leaving Jade's brother to take a few days off his internship at the Ministry of Magic to make sure his younger sister would get everything she needed from Diagon Alley and make it on time to catch the Hogwarts Express.

Sturgis had expected Jade to cry. He'd told her it would be all right to do so, and that he'd wept when their parents refused to accept what he truly was. But Jade did not cry. Not when her parents sent her on a train alone to London a few days ago from their home in Liverpool. Not when she found herself sleeping on Sturgis's sofa in his tiny apartment. And not when they hadn't come to tell her goodbye.

Jade put her wand back and turned to stare at the rapidly-changing landscape outside. She should've wondered about life at Hogwarts, about whether she would be in her brother's House, called Hufflepuff - he'd told her about the four Houses a couple of days ago - and about making friends, perhaps. But Jade did not find herself interested in that at all. She was still numb, and her mind was blank. She couldn't think of anything.

Her compartment door slid open, causing Jade to jerk in surprise. She whipped her head to see a girl about her age entering, closing the door hurriedly, and settling on the seat before her. Jade noted that the girl was already wearing her school robes, and that she was also very pretty, reminding Jade of the popular girls in her former school, with soft blonde hair and light blue eyes. Jade couldn't help being jealous; while the girl's hair was all shiny and perfect, Jade's was a heavy mass of mousy-brown curls, and she certainly wasn't as pretty as the girl was.

The girl looked over at Jade and her eyes widened. Jade realized then that the girl mustn't have noticed that the compartment was occupied. For Jade's surprise, the girl gave her a small smile. "Hi," she said simply.

Jade was not used to pretty girls telling her "hi". Lindsey had never even talked to her back in her former school… unless she was in the mood to verbally punch her favorite punching bag. Suspicious of the girl's motives, Jade nonetheless responded with a reluctant "Hi" back.

The girl's smile grew, and it seemed friendly. "I'm Celine," she said, "Celine Greengrass. I'm sorry for entering uninvited," she added, her cheeks flushing, "I was trying to avoid someone, so I hope you may forgive me."

Celine was overly polite in Jade's opinion, but she found that she didn't mind, even if it was a tad pompous of her to speak in that manner. "Don't worry about it," Jade retorted.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Celine opened her mouth to say something but the compartment door was pushed open, cutting her off. Jade turned to see who was intruding upon them now when she saw a boy who was a couple or so years older standing there, glowering at the blonde girl. Jade had expected Celine to glower back - she would have if the roles were reversed - but to her surprise, Celine cowered away from him instead.

The boy threw a filthy look at Jade. "Green eyes, dark hair, average... " he said in a voice Jade found rather alarming. Then he returned his glare to Celine and snarled, "You prefer sharing a compartment with a _Mudblood_?"

Jade realized a few things just then. The first was that, upon closer inspection, the boy looked very similar to Celine. In fact, he must've been her older brother, considering they had the exact same blue eyes and pretty features. The only difference was that the boy's hair was chestnut-brown instead of blonde. The second was that he was the one Celine had been hiding from. The third, and most weird of it all, was that he had insulted her in a certain way - she didn't know what "Mudblood" meant, but it didn't sound like flattery - when he didn't even know her at all.

"Pierre," Celine pleaded, "please…"

Pierre did not seem interested in what Celine had to say. He grabbed her hand, flinging her to her feet, and sent another glare at Jade. "Do not even think of talking to my sister, Mudblood," he growled, "your kind are not even worthy to clean our shoes. Make sure to remember that." He spat on the floor. " _Filth_."

And the two were gone, the door shutting behind their fading forms.

Jade's numbness broke. She stared outside at the peaceful landscape and felt the tears welling in her eyes. She did not stop them; instead, like Sturgis had suggested, she embraced them all.

She put her knees up to her chest, and let herself cry quietly over everything that happened - her parents' sudden neglect, a stranger spitting at her feet and throwing unknown insults without knowing who she was and based only on what he saw…

And that's how she had spent the rest of ride to Hogwarts.

* * *

Dressed in her robes, her eyes bloodshot from crying nonstop for several hours straight, Jade found herself sitting in a small boat, sailing toward the huge castle that was Hogwarts. She shared the boat with three other year-mates, but none of them perked her interest, not even as they talked about what was to come soon. Jade had learned her first lesson about the society of the magical world: _do not engage_. The brief encounter with Celine and Pierre was enough to dissuade her from attempting to chat up the other kids.

She did not want to be called Mudblood again. Or spat on, for that matter.

Once the boats reached the school's shore, Jade and the rest of the first-years were led inside the castle and were required to wait outside a door that led to what was called the Great Hall.

After a few minutes, a woman appeared. She was stern-looking, wearing an emerald robe and her hair pulled into a tight bun. She introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, told the nervous first-years about the Sorting Ceremony, and made them follow her into the Great Hall.

Despite her bad state, Jade couldn't help but notice the ceiling of the Hall. It reflected the weather outside - slightly cloudy as of right then - perfectly. It must've been magic, she thought. But her wonder ebbed when she suddenly realized that, in all rashness of the past few days, Sturgis had barely told her anything about the castle. Even when he had still attended Hogwarts, Sturgis didn't talk a lot about the school.

She felt alone. More alone than she had ever felt in her entire life. She'd never had a lot of friends - only one who hadn't stuck around in the end - but she'd had her parents. Now, her parents were gone and she was all on her own. No Sturgis, no Rhiannon and Braden, and no friends at all.

"Abbott, Rachel!"

Jade snapped out of her ruminations at the call. The Sorting was starting. A small girl sat down near Professor McGonagall, who put a worn-out hat on her head. The Sorting Hat, the Professor had called it.

In a few short seconds, the Hat yelled, "HUFFLEPUFF!" Jade had never seen Hats yelling before, but she guessed it was to be expected. This whole place was magic, after all.

The girl - Rachel - took the Hat off and ran toward the cheering yellow table, which occupants were greeting her into their folds.

Jade was trying to remember what Sturgis had told her about the four Houses. He said that Slytherin was off-limits to them - she did not remember the reason, though- and that she shouldn't want to be Sorted there anyway. So when the next one to be called - "Avery, Malcolm!" - and was Sorted into Slytherin, she looked at the clapping table of green and silver and saw that they did not look like the most appealing people in the school.

The Sorting continued. Black, Sirius was the first to be Sorted into Gryffindor, but after a few more names, Evans, Lily joined him. Jade barely listened after that until she heard, "Greengrass, Celine!"

Her eyes snapped to the podium. Celine, as nervous as the rest of the first-years, took the seat. The Hat fell upon her head, and it took its time. Then, to Jade's surprise, it called, "SLYTHERIN!"

Celine seemed resigned as she took the Hat off. At the Slytherin table, Jade saw Pierre clapping the loudest, enfolding his sister in his arms with a smug smirk. Celine did not return the hug.

A few more names were called. Jade did not listen again. But when her name was announced - "Podmore, Jade!" - she was startled. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and took the much-dreaded seat. She fidgeted, seeing and feeling everyone's eyes on her when the Hat suddenly obscured her vision.

" _Ah… Not a weak mind, I see._ "

Jade stiffened. A voice was whispering right into her ear. It took her a precious moment to realize it was the Hat itself.

" _You have potential_ ," the Hat continued, " _talent as well… not a hard-worker, but not a pure-blood… Hufflepuff, perhaps? No, your heart is too cold… Slytherin would have been the best for you… Alas, you are Muggle-born… So where to put you?_ "

Jade's heart did not feel so cold as its pounds were loud enough to reach her eardrums.

" _Ravenclaw will take too much, while Hufflepuff will give too many, so that leaves…_ GRYFFINDOR!"

The Hat was removed from her head. In a slight daze, Jade made her way to the cheering table with the lion crest and sat down near another first year. Her heart was still pounding fast and loud in her chest, as though trying to get out of her body. Her face, she knew, had gone white as a sheet. She was not aware of the others beings Sorted. She was not aware at all to anything that happened around her. All she could hear was the Hat's words as they carved themselves onto her very soul.


	2. 2: High Walls

Uploading the second chapter. I don't have much time so I don't edit, but I promise to edit the moment I can. Sorry for any mistakes you may see!

Thank you FlowerChild23 for you review! If you want to appear in my A/Ns as well, let me know what you think of the story and REVIEW! (Yes, I'm a pushover. No, I don't care.)

* * *

 **Chapter Two: High Walls**

 _First Year_

Jade did not go home for Christmas. There were many reasons that made her stay at Hogwarts, and the main one was that she'd sent Iolanthe to bring them a letter from her, and the owl returned empty-handed.

Sturgis had offered his sister to stay at his place, but Jade knew she would be just as alone there as she was at Hogwarts. She decided to choose Hogwarts.

In the few months since school had started, Jade did not make any friends. If she had to be honest, some of her Gryffindor year-mates did try to strike up a conversation with her, but she had always had nothing to say, which, she later heard, had been translated into her being cold-hearted.

Lily Evans was the one who'd tried her hardest at the beginning. Since Lily and Jade were both the only Muggle-borns among the Gryffindor first-years, Lily had believed it would make the two of them close. Unfortunately, Jade did not take well to the redhead's attempts.

Eventually, Marlene McKinnon had proven to be a better company, and Lily and she became fast-friends. Mary Macdonald, the third girl Jade shared a dorm with, was a loner like Jade. However, she didn't take it to the extent Jade did; Mary, while having a wild love affair with the library, preferring to study there on her own, still chatted with Marlene and Lily at meal times, and was the only girl who talked to the four Gryffindor first-year boys.

The four boys were James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. The four of them had become friends of sorts, as much as Jade figured out, but it was apparent that James and Sirius had truly bonded. They were inseparable; whenever James was, Sirius soon followed, and likewise.

James and Sirius didn't care about the Gryffindor girls much - except Mary, whenever she deigned to speak to them - and so didn't bother with Jade, Lily or Marlene. Peter tailed James and Sirius whenever they went, and he seemed rather oblivious to anything else going on around him. Remus was the quiet one, studious and smart, and he had tried to chat Jade up, but Jade did not respond well to him, either.

It wasn't that Jade wanted to be a loner, and it wasn't that she didn't want to have friends. There was something that held her back in these aspects - and it wasn't just her introduction into the politics of the magical world, as Pierre Greengrass had so kindly helped her with at the Hogwarts Express. It all began with the conversation the Gryffindors had at the feast after the Sorting Ceremony.

"Gryffindor is the best House!" announced a fifth-year who sat close to the first-years. He'd introduced himself as Callum Robins and, according to his budge, he was a perfect. "Do you know why?"

Lily had looked discreetly behind her, her gaze landing on the Slytherin table. Jade had noticed that. "But Slytherin is fine too, right?" she asked in an odd voice. "I mean, my friend, Sev, was Sorted there, so it can't be worse than Gryffindor, right?"

"Slytherin is crappy," Sirius had spoken, then. "My entire family was in Slytherin, and you have no idea how they'd turned out. I'm so glad I'm not there."

James nodded in agreement and sent a pointed look at Lily, who flushed slightly at the sharpness of his stare. "Gryffindor is the House of the brave and loyal, qualities that are actually important in life."

"Hear, hear," Callum agreed wholeheartedly.

"Slytherin, however," James's voice lowered into a quiet snarl, "breeds only slimy snakes with no pride or honor or true loyalty. Slytherins will save their own skin before they came to help others. Not to mention most of them are pure-bloods who look down on Muggle-borns as though they're scum."

Lily had started a fight with James, then, about the true nature of the two Houses - which had later led to a great animosity between the two - but Jade had stopped listening just then. James's words, mixed with the Sorting Hat's, jumbled in her mind.

She was not stupid. Jade had understood what the Hat had told her; she had the heart of Slytherin, but because of her Muggle heritage, she couldn't be Sorted there. Because she wasn't a studious one, she couldn't have ended up in Ravenclaw, and because she wasn't pure-hearted and good-natured Hufflepuff was out of the question. She had ended up in Gryffindor as a default because she didn't belong to Gryffindor the least of the rest.

Despite everything she had thought, she had hoped that at least she would feel like she belonged to the House she would be Sorted into. She hadn't belonged in the normal world, hadn't belonged with her parents, and while Sturgis was just like her, he was too busy, so she hadn't really belonged with him. Until that moment of epiphany, she'd had a small hope - but hope nonetheless - that she would find her place in her Hogwarts House.

And like all the others, this hope, too, was shattered to pieces.

Jade hadn't bothered to make friends with anyone in her House - or the others, for that matter- because what was the point? Yes, she had magic, but she didn't belong there in Hogwarts. The first-years of House the Hat had claimed she truly belonged to wouldn't come near the other Houses, least of all Gryffindor, meaning that even if she'd wanted to befriend someone there, it was impossible. She had hoped, in the first week, that she might come across Celine Greengrass, the blonde girl from the train, but when she'd finally seen her in the shared Potions class, she was with the Slytherin girls and hadn't looked her way even once.

Eventually, Jade had settled on a loner's life. She had also settled on never hoping again.

* * *

The morning of Christmas day, Jade woke up to a blissfully empty dorm (Lily, Marlene, and Mary had all gone back home for the holiday). She also found three presents waiting for her to unwrap.

The first was, for her surprise, from her parents. Excitement surged in a rush inside Jade, and before she could remind herself not to hope, she tore the wraps and revealed the present. He froze when she saw it was her blue stuffed animal from home. There was a note assigned, saying: "You've forgotten to pack it. Mum and Dad."

She hadn't realized she was smiling - until she read the eight-word letter, the first one she'd gotten from her parents since arriving Hogwarts - and that smile had vanished. Tears threatened to escape, but she refused to let them fall. She was hurt, she couldn't deny it to herself. But most of, she was furious with herself; she'd let herself hope again.

Feeling drained, even though she'd just awoken, Jade threw Cookie the bear on the floor and grabbed the second present. This one was from Sturgis; a book called Quidditch Through the Ages. In the attached note, Sturgis wrote, "I used to be a Chaser. I hope you'll consider applying for the Gryffindor team next year, for whatever role you want. Playing Quidditch is extremely fun, I promise. Love, Sturgis."

The last gift came with a short note, telling her this one was again from Sturgis. It included a quill that would spell-check any essay she had to write.

Tucking the gifts away - except Cookie, which she took with her - Jade went down to the common room, not bothering to get out of her nightdress. It was empty, which made Jade relieved because she didn't want anyone to witness what she was about to do.

She walked to the fireplace and paused before it. She stared down at Cookie, then at the fireplace, and felt her heart encasing itself in ice. Everyone called her Podcold, whenever they bothered to talk about her. It was time she lived up to her name in truth.

Without an ounce of emotion, she threw the stuffed bear into the fire, watching the flickering flames eating at it, burning it to crisp. She felt an odd sense of satisfaction at the sight.

A sound behind her made her turn around, and what she saw made her freeze. Sirius Black climbed into the common room from the entrance, wearing his robes. His black hair was a mess, even messier than James's was - which was quite a feat, considering James's hair stuck out in all directions - and his grey eyes had dark bag beneath them.

He stopped in his track when he saw her. She stared back for a few more moments before she returned her eyes to the fire. She heard him come closer then, and he came to a pause next to her. He leaned forward, for he was tall for his age, and from the edge of her eye she saw him squinting at the first and scrunching his nose. "What did you put there?" he inquired.

There was no need to deny it. "A stuffed animal," she responded flatly.

His eyes widened in surprise and turned to look at her. "Why?"

She shrugged. "My parents sent it to me. I decided it's been a long time since I was five."

Sirius frowned in thought. "But why burn it?"

"Because," Jade replied, not knowing why she was even bothering, "they gave it to me as a gift long ago."

The expression on Sirius's face cleared, and he seemed to understand everything. "Troubles with the folks, then, heh?"

Jade settled on shrugging once more. Then, it occurred to her he was not supposed to be here. She'd overheard him telling James he was going home for Christmas. "What are you doing here?" she blurted out the question before she could remind herself not to be social.

"What do you mean?" Sirius arched an eyebrow, his voice a little defensive. "It's my House as well, you know."

"You were supposed to be at home, weren't you?" Jade clarified.

"Oh," Sirius ruffled his hair, looking at the ground. "I was there but, erm, Professor McGonagall allowed me to return to Hogwarts much, erm, earlier…"

She understood as well. "Troubles with the folks, then," she said, using the same words he did.

He gave a small grin. "So, Podmore, since we're both here for the next three weeks, want to hang out?"

It was a grand offer, and Jade was touched despite herself. However, she did not forget her promise to herself. She knew what would happen if she agreed; she would have the time of her life, would start to believe Sirius was her friend, and then would be bitterly disappointed when the holiday ended and he returned to his friends and leave her behind.

She was tempted to say yes. She was more tempted than she'd ever been since the beginning of school. But she remembered her parents, their cold letter, and the teddy-bear. She remembered the conversation back at the feast. Mostly, she remembered the Hat's words.

So, she gave Sirius a blank look and said, "Sorry, but I have stuff to do."

And, she knew, after her cold blow-off, Sirius Black would never extend her a hand of friendship again.


	3. 3: A Dose of Cold Water

Another chapter for y'all! Don't forget to review and tell me what do you think of the story so far :D

(Also, I know it's pretty tragic and angsty right now, but it will lighten up as the story progresses. There's a reason I put it under Drama and not the other two.)

* * *

 **Chapter Three: A Dose of Cold Water**

 _Second Year_

Jade did not go back to her parents' place once the school year was over. Rhiannon and Braden Podmore had decided to take a vacation to Spain. A two-month vacation, they clarified to her in the letter they'd sent her a month before school was over.

She hadn't known what to expect from the Summer holidays before, but it was clear now. Her parents were resenting her for taking the same path her brother did. Not that she had a choice about being a witch, but logic, it seemed, didn't work when emotions were involved.

Despite the circumstance, Jade refused to cry. She raised her chin, wore her icy manners like an armor, and went off to live with Sturgis for the time being. After a week living with her brother, she'd realized that it wasn't much better than Hogwarts; he was often at work, being an intern at the Department of Mysteries, and she'd barely seen him at all. He left early in the morning, before she woke up, and returned after she'd gone to bed. In short, Jade had felt lonelier than ever, and thus made sure to grow thicker skin.

She wasn't about to let anyone get to her anymore. Not her parents, not Sturgis, and certainly no one at Hogwarts.

With that renewed sense of determination, Jade had found herself after a long summer back on the Hogwarts Express, off to begin her second year at Hogwarts.

As the train took off, she couldn't find any empty compartment. She knew she had to share with others, and so she went off to find Lily, Marlene and Mary. While they weren't friends, she knew the girls wouldn't mind having her sit with them.

She soon found them. Sliding the door open, all three turned to examine the intruder. Mary lifted her eyes from the book she was reading, while Marlene and Lily, who'd been talking in hisses up until then, stopped abruptly.

Without waiting for them to talk, Jade asked stiffly, "Can I sit with you? There aren't other compartments available."

All three exchanged a quick glance before Lily - forever the sweetheart - gave her a soft, welcoming smile and said, "Sure."

Without further ado, Jade tucked her suitcase and Iolanthe's cage away and took the seat next to Mary. Then, she made a point to stare out of the window, to show the girls she wasn't interested in conversing.

Soon, Mary returned to her attention to her book, and Lily and Marlene resumed their earlier chat. Jade tried not to listen at first, but then something Marlene said caught her ear. "He's hanging out with Mulciber, Lils. I get that you're childhood friends, but can't you see how horrible he is to everyone else? And I won't even talk about how Avery and him are attached by the hip whenever you turn your head the other way - "

"Severus is my friend," Lily snapped in response, "as much as you are. You have no right to talk about him like that - "

"But you know I'm right!" Marlene's voice grew louder. Jade glanced at the girl; her usually alabaster skin was flushed with anger and her eyes - an alarming shade between honey-brown and bronze - were glinting. She shoved her hand into her silky dark-blonde hair in frustration. "Come on, Lils. You're the smartest witch of our year. You can't be this stupid."

Lily glared at her friend. "If you only tried to get to know Severus - "

"And fo you suppose I do that," Marlene cut her off, "when every time he's with you and I tug along, he glares at me in obvious loathing?"

"You're imagining things, Mar - "

"No, you're the delusional, blind one - "

"If you only tried - "

"Have you not listened to what I just said? He won't talk to me - "

"But you don't give him a chance - "

"Oh, shut up, both of you!" Mary's shout, followed by her slamming the book shut, startled the other two. Jade was a little stunned herself, considering she'd never heard Mary raising her voice before. "Neither of you are wrong nor right. While there is something fishy about Severus - "

Marlene rolled her eyes.

" - He is still Lily's boyfriend, and we need to respect that - "

"He is not my boyfriend!" Lily exclaimed hotly.

" - thus this fight needs to end here. Am I clear?"

Lily and Marlene looked at Mary as is they'd never truly seen her before. They didn't respond, and an awkward silence stretched in the compartment.

Jade had never felt the need to add her thoughts to conversation she obviously did not mean to here. However, since this one particular conversation was about the infamous Severus Snape - James Potter and Sirius Black's mortal enemy since day one - she felt the need to interfere.

She struggled for a few seconds to find her voice, but when she did, she said into the thick quiet, "Snape had tried to cast a spell on me once when I was alone. Because I'm a Mudblood. Thankfully, his spell missed me, but the message got across."'

The three girls were staring at Jade with wide, shocked eyes. Not used to such undivided attention, she shrugged it off and eyed Lily directly. "I do not know why you are the exception to his Muggle-hatred, Evans, but I can assure you that McKinnon is right. Other than you, all Muggle-borns are filth."

She heaved a sigh, mostly of relief to be over with the talking, and turned back to stare outside the window. She didn't expect any of them to talk to her after that, and she didn't want them to. She'd said what she had to, and that was that.

But Lily did not take the hint that Jade was finished with talking. "When did it happen, Podmore?"

Jade was reluctant to answer that. Not because she was still cut-up about it, but because she'd rather to continue her ride to Hogwarts in quiet peace. She almost regretted talking in the first place. "The beginning of last year," she answered shortly, flatly, hoping this time Lily wouldn't push.

She had underestimated the redhead's determination, however. "Did her bother you again?" she asked quietly, as though it was the first time she truly comprehended who she had been hanging out with for the past few years.

Jade hoped that her answer this time would lay the matter to rest. "Only one more time. I punched him in the face, though, and he stopped bothering me after that."

Thankfully, this time Lily let the subject drop. After a few more minutes of terse silence, the girls chatted again, and Jade blissfully ignored them and wished to get to Hogwarts soon, just so that she could leave the train and this conversation behind.

* * *

The first week into the new term had passed in much the same manner as the entirety of last year did - which meant more solitude and no interaction above the necessary. Things were starting to change when, the first day of the second week since her return to Hogwarts, she found she a tail, and not just any tail.

Celine, along with her two friend from Slytherin - Lucinda Rowle and Jasmine Parkinson - were following Jade everywhere she went. From Potions to Defense Against the Dark Arts, and then to Charms and, afterwards, to Transfiguration. They didn't chat among themselves - she would've heard, they stalked so close at her heel - and that made Jade extremely wary. However, she knew not to give any indication that she was intimidated or threatened by the trio.

At the end of the day, when Jade was the last to leave Transfiguration - Professor McGonagall had wanted to ask her how she was doing, which she'd been asking constantly since last year, and to which Jade had always responded she was fine - the three girls cornered her.

Jasmine gave her a big smile, alarming Jade at once. "We want a word with you, Podcold."

Keeping a neutral face, Jade said simply, "So, talk."

"Don't give us orders, Mudblood," Lucinda sneered, "we will speak when we want to speak!"

Lucinda had never been the brightest of that lot.

Jasmine drew her wand out. "We don't like your face, Podcold," she snarled, an exhilarated gleam in her dark eyes, "so aloof and condescending, looking down your nose on us, as if you are better than us!" she let out a shrill of a laugh that made the little hairs on Jade's arms raise. "A Mudblood, acting like a Slytherin! What a nerve you have, filth!"

Jade froze at those words. Jasmine had hit a little bit too close to home for Jade's comfort, and she was not about to let it stand. She glanced at Celine briefly, wondering why she didn't join in the fun with her friend, when she saw Celine's face was lowered, her lips thin. She'd always been timid - Jade had gathered that much after the episode her brother caused at the Hogwarts Express last year - but she'd never realized how much.

She did not dwell her thoughts on Celine, however. She had a much more urgent thing to do. Looking at Jasmine and Lucinda, Jade cast the first spell that came to her mind. "Aqua Eructo!" she yelled, pointing her wand at Jasmine. A jet of water came out from the tip of her want, splashing so hard in Jasmine's face, she was pushed a few feet away and made her fall down. Instinctively, Jade turned the water jet to Lucinda, giving her the same treatment. Her energy waned, though; this was not an easy spell to cast for a second-year. She'd found it in one of Sturgis's old school books, and it was an advanced magic, and she knew she only succeeded because of the reaction Jasmine's words caused.

Weary, Jade ended the spell and turned to look at Celine while the other two were recovering. "Do not mess with me again," she said, making sure to put a bit of menace into her voice. Celine blanched.

Without anything more to say and do - she'd proved her point, she believed - Jade turned and walked away. She turned the corner when she was suddenly ambushed again, but this time the ambushers were friendly faces - or at least, nonthreatening. James and Sirius looked at her, and they seemed to be in shock. "You made it," James exclaimed, sounding surprised.

Jade stiffened. "Did you hear?" the question was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

"Of course we did," Sirius said, his grey eyes narrowed. "We thought we needed to help you, but it seems like you've handled yourself just fine."

Her jaw clenched. "Of course I did," the words slipped out again, "I'm not some damsel in distress who needs rescuing."

"Obviously," James laughed, "you're a Gryffindor, after all - we Gryffindors can surely handle some wayward Slytherins."

Before she could retort to that, Sirius said, "Don't believe any word they said. You're a Gryffindor, not some snivelling Slytherin snake."

His words struck a nerve and she found herself glaring at the two. "Next time keep out of my business," she said softly, but just as menacingly as she'd spoken to Jasmine and Lucinda.

She left them then, but not before she'd caught their confused faces.

Jade didn't need to be reminded about Slytherin's true nature. She also didn't to be told false facts, because she wasn't a true Gryffindor, and if today's actions were anything to go by, she was starting to realize that the Sorting Hat had been nagging her, making her doubt and question everything she'd known about herself, for a good reason.

Because she'd acted like a Slytherin, with cold-hearted precision. And she knew now, without a shadow of doubt, that had she been a Pure-blood, she would've been Sorted there before the Hat even touched her head.


	4. 4: Stifling Needs

**This is more of a big-picture chapter to get a glimpse at the world around Jade. Also, many thanks to AmericanAsFuck and FlowerChild23 for your reviews on the last chapter!**

* * *

 **Chapter Four: Stifling Needs**

 _Second Year_

Because of all the time she spent on her own, Jade could safely assume she was far ahead in terms of education. It didn't make her the best witch in Hogwarts - that title was reserved for James, Sirius, Lily and Severus Snape - but it did give her a lot of additional information about the history of magic and spells. Obviously, she couldn't execute a lot of those spells she'd read about - the Aqua Eructo spell she'd used on Jasmine Parkinson and Lucinda Rowle wasn't that advanced in terms of magical abilities, even if it was only taught around fifth year - but it did give her a vast knowledge of all things magical.

She had never been much of a bookworm before Hogwarts, but things had changed; being friendless and neglected by her parents gave her somewhat a twisted purpose; she wanted to know everything she could about the magical world, for she had no place among Muggles anymore, and she wanted to prove Rhiannon and Braden that their abandonment did not weaken her, but rather gave her a spine of steele.

After her encounter with the Slytherin girls, the year continued uninterrupted. Jade found herself spending all of her free time in the library - under the suspcious scrutiny of the librarian, Madam Pince - until curfew ushered her back to her room. Her loneliness, which had been a dull, accepted ache in her heart, had slowly subsided, turning into a comofrtable sort of numbness. She also became the only on in Gryffindor to be completely invisible, which was a serious feat, for Gryffindors were not known for their meekness.

As Jade gave herself the reputation of the quiet, studious, cold girl in second year, others in her House had started making grander names for themselves, especially the boys. Lily had always been notorious enough for being on speaking terms with a Slytherin, and Marlene was growing more and more beautiful with each day that passed, so they had gotten their own titles, but the boys - James and Sirius in particular - were becoming quite the characters gradually.

No one knew how the boys managed to keep their grades so up at the top when they'd spent half of their time in detention for all the pranks they'd pulled or the Slytherins - Snape in particular - they'd hexed. Remus, being the only second-year Gryffindor boy who actually managed to not get in trouble, was known as the one who was doing everything in his power to keep his two freinds from going too far in their endeavors, and Peter, the small, round boy was known as the sidekick, dragging along with everything James and Sirius said and did.

Another thing that became more prominent as the second year progressed was that Lily's growing animosity toward James was taking a different turn to the worst. While James seemed to grow quite fond of the redhead - more so with every day that passed - Lily was norturing her resentment toward him. Once, when Lily had caught the boys talking about their latest prank on Snape - or "Snivellus", as they liked to call him - which had made Snape's nose grow into disporportional sized that had led him to the hospital wing, Lily had hexed James, giving him a mustache that, whenever he tried to trim it, only grew back and longer than before. Eventually, James had Madam Pomfrey fix him after the two days he'd allowed the hex to remain, and if anyone thought that James would not respond in kind, he'd only laughed and said it was a sure since Evans was becoming as much fond of him as he was of her.

Jade had known all that not only because she shared a dorm with Lily or the same House with the boys, but because it was everyone could talk about in their year. Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws weren't as much of pranksters as Gryffindors, not to mention as stupid, and whenever Jade was dwelling in the library, she'd heard group-sutides sometimes talk about the naughty Gryffindor boys's boldness, Lily Evans's Potter-directed loathing, and Marlene's soft skin.

Mary, the only other Gryffidnor who didn't seek attention for herself, was still famous in her own way. She had joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team as a Beater at the same time James joined as a Chaser. No one had understood how Mary Macdonald, the pixie-haired blonde with her short, small frame and stick-like arms, could be a Beater, but she'd proved herself at the first match of the year - Gryffindor VS Ravenclaw - when she'd hurled Bludger after Bludger at the rival team with the efficiency of a burly seventh-year. That, added with the fact Mary was less a quiet girl than Jade, and was very helpful and friendly to everyone from every House - except Slytherin, of course - made her quite popular, even among the non-second-year students in Hogwarts.

As the Easter holiday was growing near, Jade prepared to stay at Hogwarts. However, a week before the holiday, on a bright, sunny morning, Iolanther, her black owl, came swooping into the Great Hall and landed next to Jade's omelete. Since she'd never gotten any letters throughout her year - Sturgis was too busy at the Ministry to send her letters - she had no idea who it could be from.

"Thanks," she murmured to Iolanthe, detaching the letter from the owl, and opened the simple white envelope. She drew the letter it contained, unfolded it, and read:

 _"Dear Jade,_

 _Your father and I will be home for the summer holidays, therefore you're welcome to stay with us. Your father will pick you up from King's Cross station to take you home._

 _I hope school goes well._

 _Best,_

 _Rhiannon."_

Jade read the letter again and again until the words sank. She ignored the formal way in which her mother wrote to her - so formal it was icy cold - and took a piece of parchment and her quill to write back that she was looking forward to it, using the same official manner her mother used.

Once Iolanther soared out of the Hall, Jade tried to understand how she was feeling. On one hand, she was glad she wouldn't have to spend the summer at Sturgis's again - while she loved her brother, he was mostly absent and she couldn't bear being that lonely - but on the other hand, she was suspicious. What were her parents playing at, inviting her back home after barely writing to her? After their neglect over something she had no control of?

She would have to wait to find that out. Until then, she would not think about it.

As she continued to nibble her omelete, she saw Sirius and James settling down near Lily and Marlene. Jade, sitting next Lily, could hear everything they were saying.

"So we were thinking, Evans - " James began.

Lily cut him off at once. "I don't want to hear about it."

"But you don't know what I was about to say!" her protested.

Giving him a withering look, Lily sniffed. "I have a feeling the subject begins with an S, and I'd rather not talk about anything concerning either pranking or hexing."

Sirius chuckled. "She got you there."

Glancing quellingly at his friend, James said, "I don't want to talk about the Snivellus' Grease, thank you very much," he said, ignoring Lily's glare at the nickname, "but rather about Quidditch."

Mary, who was talking to a third-year girl, suddenly whipped her head toward James. "What about Quidditch?"

"Yes, Potter," Lily scowled, "what about it?"

James ignored the disgust on Lily's face and explained, "Robins' can't make it to the last match between Gryffindor and Slytherin, which will determine the Championship for the year, so that mean we are one Chaser down and we have no time to throw a trial for a replacement."

Mary seemed aghast at the news. "But he was find yesterday!" she exclaimed. "I'd seen him before Charms, and he didn't seem maimed or something - "

"That's because he got into a fight with Malfoy, a sixth-year Slytherin, before dinner yesterday," James said bitterly, grimacing, "he's now sporting ugly acne all over his face, which resulted in a following fever. He said he won't make it to the match tomorrow."

"Poor Robins," Lily said softly, but then frowned. "So why are you telling me all that?"

"Because," James said, smiling hopefully, "I'd seen you fly, and I think you'll make a great Chaser. Think about it - we will be on the team together!"

Lily's frown was replaced with a look of apprehension. "I don't know how to play Quidditch, Potter!" she bit out. "I don't know the rules, and I have no idea how to handle myself right on a broom - not to mention I don't have a broom of my own! We won't win with me on the team."

James tried to convince her, but Lily refused to be talked into replacing the hospitalized Chaser. Jade stopped listening at some point, and thought back to her first year. She'd done good in flying lessons - she was decent on a broom, if she said so herself. She'd also read a lot about Quidditch and knew the rules, and even though she'd never played, she believed she could be an asset. She'd been good at volleyball in her former school - how different could it be?

Jade squashed the sudden idea in her head before it could fully form. She did not belong in Gryffindor. She had no friends. She'd never actually played Quidditch before. She was Podcold, not a Quidditch star like Mary or James.

She looked down at her bag, where the letter from her parents peeked out, and felt herself deflate. No, she wouldn't suggest herself as a Chase replacement. The Quidditch team could find someone much more capable than her for them to win the Quidditch Cup. She didn't need to meddle in such mundane things, anyway.

While Lily's refusal to play made James grumpy and absolutely sure Gryffindor would lose, the crisis was averted when Mary found a better replacement in the form of a fifth-year boy. The boy wasn't that much good in the game the next day, but thanks to James, Mary, and the Seeker, the Gryffindor team still won the match.


	5. 5: The Acquiring of a Happy Memory

**Chapter Five: The Acquiring of a Happy Memory**

 _Third Year_

The best thing Jade could say about her parents was that at least they were trying.

She had come home to Liverpool expecting nothing - because that was the best course of action - and was pleasantly surprised by how civilized Rhiannon and Braden were to her. They did not apologize for their neglect - for which she was grateful, because she wasn't sure she was ready to forgive them for that - and they also did not mention anything about how the last two years had been since she had last seen them.

In fact, Jade's parents had acted as if they'd done nothing wrong, and tried to maintain a manner of professionalism, as they had done with Sturgis when he'd first found he was a wizard.

But while the Podmore family was keeping things civilized, Jade did not share anything about how her two years at Hogwarts had been and her parents hadn't asked. Jade believed it was for the better.

So, she was shocked when, at the end of the summer holidays, her parents agreed to come to London with her for shopping in Diagon Alley. They'd been to Diagon Alley with Sturgis when he'd started at Hogwarts, but never with Jade, who had had Sturgis accompanying her in the past two summers.

When they arrived, Jade watched her parents closely. They did not seem comfortable near so many wizards and witches, with their rigid spines and flat faces. She half expected them to bolt when a redhead approached them with a pretty girl in tow.

"Podmore!" Lily said, smiling at a suddenly stiff Jade. "What a coincidence! I've never seen you in Diagon Alley before."

Marlene, who was with Lily, offered a terse smile, which Jade didn't return.

Jade looked at Lily and nodded. "Hi, Evans," she said, hoping she didn't sound too frigid.

Her mother looked at her. "Is she a friend of yours from school?" she asked in feigned interest.

She wouldn't call Lily her friend, for it was false, but she knew that explaining her social life at Hogwarts right now would not be wise, so she simply nodded. "Mum, this is Lily Evans. L-Lily," she flushed slightly at her stutter, for it was the first time she referred to her dorm-mate by her first name, "my parents," she finished lamely.

Rhiannon and Braden shook Lily's hand, then introduced themselves to Marlene, who greeted them with a polite smile.

Sensing an awkward silence was about to ensue, Jade bid the girls goodbye and nudged her parents toward Flourish & Blotts to purchase the new books she needed.

They finished their shopping trip at The Leaky Cauldron for an afternoon coffee and tea for Jade. Her parents were quiet for some time before her father broke the silence. "You don't seem close with those two girls we met."

Jade stared at her honey-colored tea. "We get along fine," she decided to say, which wasn't a lie; while they weren't friends, Jade had never held any sort of grudge against neither Lily nor Marlene.

"But you're not friends with them," her mother summarized.

Shrugging, Jade responded, "I'm focused more on studying than making friends, Mum."

"Studying doesn't have to prevent you from having friends, Jade," Braden said, "take Sturgis for example. He'd had plenty of friends back at that school of yours. He even spent Christmas at his best pal's once. It didn't mean he was a bad student."

Anger simmered in Jade for the first time since the beginning of summer, but while she tried to fan down the flames, they refused to dwindle. "Since when do you care?" she snapped, feeling vulnerable at the outburst. But her anger was growing, and she suddenly didn't care.

"Jade," Braden reprimanded, "we do not tolerate that kind of attitude. We also don't want our daughter to be a pariah in a world where you are on your own - "

"Oh, so suddenly I'm your daughter again?" her voice rose, her anger transforming into fury. "Where have you been two years ago, when I was scared and alone for being entrusted into a world where 'I was on my own'? Where have you been last summer, when I wanted to go home, but instead found myself in Sturgis's stinking flat? You were there for Sturgis!" she was crying now. "You were there for him when he found out he was a wizard! But for some reason, you weren't there for me!"

She rose from her seat. "I know you were supposed to stay here with me for the week until I have to leave for Hogwarts again, but please don't. I want you to go home and leave me alone. That way, at least, I know where your hearts truly are."

She left the table, rushed up to her reserved room at the inn, and did not look back.

Her parents did leave, without a goodbye too. Jade didn't care. She was relieved to have them out of her hair, and she was astonished at how she didn't want to be in their presence anymore.

She'd spent the rest of her time roaming Diagon Alley on her own, and when it was time to go to Hogwarts, she'd taken a bus to King's Cross on her own, feeling independent and free for the first time in her life.

When the year started, her newfound freedom - mentally speaking - helped her in more than one way. She began speaking up in classes when she knew the answer to a question, she did not ignore the insults the Slytherin girls sent her way but instead responded in kind, and she did not care that her year-mates were wondering what the hell had happened to Podcold, who had transformed into an entirely new person, still icy, but not silent anymore.

Of course, she was still friendless, and while at the beginning she'd seen it as a reluctant choice, she now saw it as an advantage. Bonds, ties, they made you weak. Jade strived to be strong. Love only hurt you in the end - even a love that was supposed to be unconditional, like her parents - and Jade was through with being hurt, or stifling heartaches.

She was intelligent and cunning, and she held herself like the powerful witch she was. She had a way to go yet - she still wasn't the best in her year - but she would get where she wanted to in the end. She was sure of it.

And no one, absolutely no one, would stand in her way. Least of all her parents.

* * *

The third-years were now allowed to go to Hogsmead, a small wizarding town near Hogwarts. There had already been a visit in November, and now, February, there was a second meeting scheduled on Valentine's Day. On the morning of the Hogsmead visit, the third-year Gryffindor girls were preparing for a good outing at the town, especially Marlene - she was the first in Gryffindor to go on a date.

Jade watched as Marlene worried about her make-up and changed her clothes at least four times. She didn't understand why the girl was so frantic about it all; sure, she had a date, but her date was none other than Dirk Cresswell, a Muggle-born from Ravenclaw who, to Jade's humble opinion, was not much of a looker. He was also a wanker, always disrupting class in the least appropriate ways, and having zero talent in terms of magical abilities. He was trying so hard to compete for the prankster of their year with James and Sirius, but he was no match to them.

However, Marlene seemed to truly like him. She must like gits, then, Jade decided.

When they left for Hogsmead, Jade watched as Marlene met Dirk near the Three Broomsticks. They took off to a place called Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, which had the reputation of being disgustingly girly. Meanwhile, Lily and Mary decided to frequent the Three Broomsticks - a smart choice, in Jade's opinion - while Jade herself decided to study the Shrieking Shack.

She wasn't particularly fond of sinister places, but she'd heard about the Shrieking Shack from the Hogsmead locals, and she was intrigued by it. She also found its area completely deserted, leaving her a full space to work on her Patronus.

The Patronus charm was a truly advanced magic, and Jade knew it wasn't taught until fifth or sixth year or so. However, she'd read about dementors and, while she knew they were guarding the wizard prison, Azkaban, she wanted to be able to fend them off if she'd ever come across them. Also, she was mystified by the charm itself, since it took a form of an animal, and was also fueled by the need to show herself she was capable of advanced magic as much as James, Sirius or Lily.

She settled near the Shrieking Shack, and thought about her happiest memory. She frowned. Did she have happy enough a memory to be able to cast a full Patronus?

She remembered the feeling she had when been ten and Sturgis returned from his last year at Hogwarts and had her riding on a broom with him. She'd felt so happy and carefree that day, maybe the happiest she'd been. There was that time when Sturgis showed her how people in magical pictures could move. She'd been pretty content back then as well. Thinking of the first memory first, she flicked her wand and said, " _Expecto Patronum!_ "

A slight wisp of silver came out from the edge of her wand, and disappeared immediately. She knew then that her memory wasn't happy enough. Thinking about the second memory, she spoke the charm but again, only a wisp of silver and nothing more came out of her Blackthorn wand.

She grimaced. What could be happier than those memories with Sturgis?

"What are you doing here?"

Whipping around at the voice, Jade raised her wand in alarm, but lowered it at once when she saw it was only Sirius. He was walking toward her with his hands tucked in the pockets of his cloak, and he regarded her strangely. She nodded curtly to him before she realized he'd asked her a question. "Nothing," she said at once.

He came to a stop only a couple of feet away, towering over her. At almost fourteen, Sirius was taller than most boys their age in Hogwarts. He was also beginning to show signs of handsomeness, which girls began to notice and admire, even if he was still nonchalant about the female population. With his wealth and Pure-blood status, not to mention longer-than-average black hair and "smokey-grey eyes" - as Jade had heard Olivia Vane from Hufflepuff once tell her friend - he was sure to become a looker in years to come. Jade only thought that in passing; she wasn't like Marlene, who was already noticing boys and getting noticed by them. She only thought about it in a scientific kind of perspective.

"That didn't look like nothing," Sirius stated, pointing with his chin toward Jade's wand, "you were trying to cast a Patronus, weren't you? I saw the silver wisp."

"Why do you care?" she asked coldly. She didn't need him to tell her she wasn't yet at a level to cast a Patronus perfectly. She knew she was punching way above her league with this charm without him patronizing her about it.

But, to her surprise, Sirius said nothing of the sorts. "I can help," he offered instead, "James and I managed to cast full Patronus. I can teach you how."

Jade was stared at him with incomprehension. "You want to help me?" she asked, doubt coating her voice.

Sirius cocked his head. "Why not?"

She was suspicious all of a sudden. "Where is Potter? Or Lupin and Pettigrew?"

"James ditched me to try and worm up to Evans," Sirius answered scornfully, "and Remus and Peter decided to go back and hit the library, stranding me on the way." He scowled. "Since I don't want to head back just yet, I thought I'll find something to pass the boredom, and teaching you Patronus doesn't sound so bad."

Jade had no reason not to believe Sirius, but not she was struggling with a different matter; her ego wanted her to tell him sod off, while logic determined she could use his help, and would be foolish not to, considering he was one of the most brilliant wizards Hogwarts ever had.

She believed herself to be a logical girl, and so she said, begrudgingly, "Fine, teach me then."

Sirius smirked, and she was sure he was about to offer some comment about her reservation, but he refrained and instead said, "Your wand movement and stance is fine, but I'm guessing you have trouble with conjuring a good memory. It needs to be not just a happy memory, but a powerfully so one."

The books she'd read about the Patronus did not say anything of the sort. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone has plenty of happy memories," he elucidated, going to stand next to her and drawing his own wand out as he did, "but you need to have a memory of an event that encompassed you with such exhilaration, that overwhelmed you with its ecstasy."

Jade tried to think of a memory like that, but, unsurprisingly, she'd found none. Life before Hogwarts had been dull, if not bad at certain points - cue Lindsey, her assigned bully in her former school. At Hogwarts, while she was always in a constant sense of wonder that she was one of the lucky ones to attend this school - and to have magic - it was not exactly her home. She didn't have a home anywhere, with anyone, especially after her episode with her parents.

She had no powerfully good memories of any place she'd been. The thought was sombering and she found herself watching the sky, feeling wistful. "I don't have such a memory," she said, watching as droplets of rain began falling from the cloudy sky.

"No worries," Sirius retorted, "not everyone have such memory just yet. Try thinking of something that would make immensely happy. Happier than you know you would ever be."

She closed her eyes and tried to follow his instruction. She imagined she was in the Great Hall, eating supper. She was laughing, smiling easily, something that she hadn't done in Merlin knew how long. Around her were her Gryffindor year-mates, laughing with her, talking to her. She was also the most powerful witch at Hogwarts, able to cast every spell she wanted…

" _Expecto Patronum!_ " she shouted, flicking her wand, and opened her eyes. The silvery wisp grew a little stronger, but there was no change. For her mortification and shame, tears burned her eyes. "Fuck!" she yelled, throwing her wand on the ground. "I can't do this! I don't have it in me! I have no good memories, and I have no idea what will make me immensely happy!"

Sirius watched her with an inscrutable expression on his face. The only indication he was surprised at her attitude was the slight widening of his eyes. "Podmore," he said evenly, "it's an advanced magic. You can't expect to succeed on your first try - "

"But you did, didn't you?" she rounded on him, staring at him accusingly, her gaze icy-cold. "You and Potter both did on your first try, I'll bet a hundred Galleons on that! And if Lily bothered to try, she would probably succeed as well!"

She'd never lost control like that in front of anyone in Hogwarts, and expected Sirius to turn bewildered. However, he remained calm, and his face was serious. "Try it again."

Staring at him with wide eyes, she said, "Don't you listen? I can't do it!"

Without responding, he flicked his wand and cast the Patronus charm. A big silvery dog raced out of his wand, sniffing the ground. "You can," he said softly, "you just need to believe in yourself more."

Jade looked at Sirius's Patronus, and picked up her wand. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and, in the privacy of her own mind, thought about a very recent memory that could be the key to her Patronus. She kept that memory at the forefront of her mind before saying a little brokenly, " _Expecto Patronum!_ "

It was not a silver wisp that came out of her wand this time. It was a silver cat, coming to a rest near Sirius's dog Patronus.

Her energy was dwindling, until the Patronus disbanded into silver particles. Sirius withdrew his own Patronus as well and smiled at Jade. "By the way," he said lightly, "James and I managed to cast a full Patronus after ten times."

Jade glanced at him, and found her lips stretching into a small smile.


End file.
